


DRAFTS

by comicsandtea



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU, Fluff, I just love my babies, M/M, itll get sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comicsandtea/pseuds/comicsandtea
Summary: AUIf one were to get onto Connor Murphy's computer and log onto his email and look into his drafts, they would be shocked by the number of emails that he never sent.





	1. draft #1

TIME: 17:24

SEND TO: [e.hansen@gmail.com](mailto:e.hansen@gmail.com)

TOPIC: Hey . . . 

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

I saw that a lot of the kids at school seem to push you around, I saw this one kid is his name David? I saw him be a jerk today and I just thought you should know that it's bullshit to have that happen, you shouldn’t let them do that.

But uh yeah hey, we’ve never talked before really but just thought you should know.

 Sincerely,

Connor Murphy


	2. draft #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to send requests

TIME: 16:51

SEND TO: [e.hansen@gmail.com](mailto:e.hansen@gmail.com)

TOPIC: school sucks

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

I guess you know what I’m gonna be ranting about by the topic huh? Well yeah, school sucks, the system is bullshit, the people are assholes, the teachers are shit, I don’t even know what it would be like for you. I mean You’re probably a kid who gets all his work done and shit but you’re also (excuse me for saying) a loser, I’m just labeled as an asshole so no one really wants to talk to me or I just start fights if they try to get to me, and I guess that makes it easy for me at times. I don’t know.

I thought you might understand because we’re kinda alke in some ways.

Maybe we could be losers together? You make me feel like I have friends, I fuck up anyone who fucks with you, I’m realizing how lame this actually sounds.

I better go moms on my case about school and I need to blaze.

Sincerely,

Connor Murphy


	3. draft #3

TIME: 02:23

SEND TO: [e.hansen@gmail.com](mailto:e.hansen@gmail.com)

TOPIC: idk

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

What to say to you? I can’t sleep right now, I don’t really sleep much at night - daytime seems to be when my body gets in the zone. I imagine you would be the type to either be doing an assignment or studying right now, or you’d just be sound asleep. I guess you’d be sleeping, it’s the one time you get to escape from the bullshit of the world, dream off to some far place where here doesn’t matter. I should probably try that, I don’t know.

I might try sleeping

Sincerely,

Connor Murphy


	4. draft #4

TIME: 20:55

SEND TO: [zozomurphy@outlook.com](mailto:zozomurphy@outlook.com)

TOPIC: listen

BODY:

Hey Zoe

I know I shout, I say the stupid fucking shit to you, I’m actually so fucking horrible to you. So fucking horrible. I still remember threatening to kill you outside your room. There’s no excuse for it, none. I swear I never mean to actually do it I just – I get so mad and I can’t control it, it’s like everyone expects me to be this way and being any different would cause chaos to happen.

Zoe I wish I could tell you tha

 


	5. draft #5

TIME: 02:46

SEND TO: e.hansen@gmail.com

TOPIC: What am I even doing?

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

Did you know that I was once a really high achieving student? I mean, sure I threw a chair at my teacher and you wouldn’t picture a smart kid doing that ever. I wasn’t even just smart as a kid, I was “smart” until a few years ago, completed my homework, passed my tests, I just . . . had – have anger issues. No one expects anything from me, I mean, who would? I'm Connor Murphy your local nut case. No one expects me to be an achiever, smart . . . they expect me to work in some fast food joint or a bum in the streets; what’s the point in trying to even do something when everyone just wants you to fail? Some say that that very statement is a reason to continue on and prosper but for fucks sake I’m not buying into that fucking bullshit, shit like that comes from people who know that they’re able to actually fucking get somewhere, where will I go?? Nowhere. I’m just accepting it now.

I feel like you feel like this sometimes. People treat you like shit, and I see that look in your features, you have anxiety. It honestly sucks, I don’t have it, but I’ve seen people that do and it’s scary in all honesty. It completely takes over a person, it's crazy, I'm so sorry. I'd offer for you to hang around me during school and stuff like that I'd offer but I know that I will never actually end up not sending this. I'll never end up sending any of these. Maybe one day I will - biggest lie I've ever told.

Maybe I should stop putting my grades down and stop being a bludge, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe nothing I say or do really matters.

When you're writing to someone, and there's no one around, and no one sees the conversation, not even the person you sent it to, did you ever really talk to them? Did you even try to talk? Will I ever even talk?

I wish someone would talk to me.

I wish someone would help me.

I wish someone would help you.

I wish someone would help us.

I hope you're doing better than me.

Sincerely,

Me


	6. draft #6

TIME: 03:24

SEND TO: e.hansen@gmail.com

TOPIC: Still have no idea what I'm doing 

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

Have I ever told you about Zoe?

Sincerely,

Me 


	7. draft #7

TIME: 23:32

SEND TO: e.hansen@gmail.com

TOPIC: Zoe 

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

I'm sure you know that Zoe is my sister - we have the same last name after all - but she's pretty rad at times. She's in the jazz band, I'm not a fan of Jazz but I don't mind hearing her practice at home.

I don't talk to her much at home anymore, apart from yelling, I don't know why I yell and I shouldn't make excuses for my behavior. I feel like part of me does it hoping that they'll notice I'm not okay? I don't even know why I do it. 

When Zoe was younger, I used to carry her on my shoulders, but over the years we've grown apart, I don't understand really. 

She had the cutest smile when she was younger, she still does, it's so real and it warms yo up inside, even though I don't get to see that smile anymore; when she used to smile it would make my day. I used to have really bad days at school and she would come to me and sit next to be for a while before talking for a while and smiling, and as soon as she would, I . . . I would smile too, and I would feel instantly better, even though nothing had changed and the hurt was still there, I felt better.

I should sleep, so should you.

Sincerely,

Me


	8. Draftt #8

TIME: 20:01

SEND TO: e.hansen@gmail.com

TOPIC: hey 

BODY:

Dear Evan Hansen,

I saw you during lunch today, you wore that same stupid shirt, sometimes I wonder if you actually own other shirts? Do you have a change of clothes? 

Does your mom not get any for you? I'll help you if you need it, we're definitely different sizes but I'm sure just a jumper will help make it look like you change? Also, I'm sure mom would happily help out, she's a do-gooder like that.

I'm not tired but all I want to do is sleep.

Do you ever feel like that?

Sincerely,

Me


End file.
